Last night I bought dog food for a (probably?) crazy person to keep my grocery checkout line moving

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 01/16/2019 at 10:25 • Filed to: None

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My gym is conveniently located in a strip mall that also has a Halal Guys and a Food Lion . Last night after the gym, I went to Food Lion for some groceries, and the dude in front of m e in the one and only non-self-check checkout line was causing mad problems.

After I had already started putting my stuff on the conveyor belt, I noticed this guy in front of me kept arguing with the cashier that items weren’t ringing up with the right price from the sign on the shelf. Repeatedly. And the way he was questioning these prices was not in the way a sane person would probably do it.

I thought about going over to the self check line, but I figured with the cashier scanning and me bagging it’d be way faster than me doing all kinds of produce in the self check lane. BEEP BOP BOOP....PLU 5243...ORGANIC CELERY...TWO.... DOLLARS... AND...99.... CENTS... ONE.... DOLLAR ... SAVINGS  

Then I loaded the rest of all my produce and also the Nathan’s Famous crinkle-cut fries that were the biggest package of something that fell under the $1 SAVINGS ON RESTAURANT FRIES coupon that I printed out at the handy custom coupon flyer printer at the entrance of the Food Lion, after I BEEP BOP BOOPED my phone number of course.

Dude was trying to use his EBT card and he was arguing about the balance with the cashier. He also kept on arguing about this big bag of dog food that was supposed to be $12 but it was ringing up as $20-something, and the cashier brought the manager over, and she re-scanned the dog food and said, “it rings up as $11.99 sir,” but the guy just couldn’t let go that this $20-something charge was on there, and what was it, and oh he also had to argue about the balance on the EBT card with the manager, and threatened to call the EBT card people right now, and then this shit happened.

Food Lion night manager who is Not Impressed At All With This Shit:

Sir, they’re not going to be open right now.

Crazy guy:

It’s an automated system.

Finally I got fed up with this shit. It was getting late, I needed to eat and the grocery shopping had already been longer than a quick stop. So I totally selfishly generously offered to buy this guy’s dog food for him. I had exactly $12 in my wallet but I wasn’t sure what the sales tax would be so I paid for it on my card and it was...$14-something? I dunno where $11.99 came from.

Guy thanked me, but was weird about it, because he was weird. He said if he can’t afford dog food he feeds “them” (I guess more than one dog?) rice. I thought to myself, shit, I’m glad this dude’s dogs get some dog food instead of rice for a change.

Then I rang up my groceries, and yes I and the cashier were speedy.

As I was finishing paying, the crazy guy came back in and thanked me again for the dog food, and apologized to the cashier because he realized the $20-something was a $24 bottle of laundry detergent he forgot he had already rung up.

Then I thought to myself, dude, if you’re haggling over the price of shit and your EBT card balance, why you buying $24 laundry detergent at the Food Lion. Dafuq? I buy the biggest, cheapest bottle of whatever brand’s no-scent/fragrance hypoallergenic one because while I lllluuuurrrve the sniffy laundry stuff, my wife doesn’t like the chemicals. At least she lets me use the non-sniffy dryer sheets. Usually it’s Arm & Hammer or All. Come on bro, don’t be buying that Tide or Gain! You need to be shopping in the All & Era part of the shelf. Then you could’ve paid for the dog food your own damn self.

After the crazy guy left, the cashier laughed to the manager and said, “are YOU going to take the apology?” I told them I figured the dude was clearly having issues and I just didn’t want the dog to suffer on account of that. So they got their food.

And finally, when I went home and unpacked the groceries and looked at the receipt, I saw a discount under the Nathan’s fries: $0.75. WTF Food Lion BEEP BOP BOOP coupon printer kiosk? That was supposed to be a $1 off. Oh well, they were only $2.99 to start with. And when I put them in the freezer I realized I already had an unopened bigass bag of tater tots in there.

They all will be eaten.

Azrek > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 10:33

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I was in line last night behind a lady, her adult daughter in a hover round and a kid. They checked out individually, but the Lady had 5 different cards...and cycled through them to pay for a $7.93 balance.

This process took a really long time...but the lady was holding 2 $5s in her hand. I was starting to lose my famous patience....

The hover round was also too far away for the bagger to hand them their groceries and the lady wouldn’t move for the Adult Child. So there was this really awkward stalemate of not paying, not bagging and no one sure how to move.

Me and the cashier shared a very confused glance...

Future next gen S2000 owner > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 10:34

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That Rottweiler is my spirit animal.

atfsgeoff > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 10:38

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Guy arguing over the price of groceries, then arguing about his amount of, and paying with his free government money.

First world problems indeed

shop-teacher > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 10:39

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I once had a crazy old lady hit me up to cover the balance for the packs of Swisher Sweets she was buying.  I just glared silently at her.  She had to leave two behind to drop the price to what she could afford.

ttyymmnn > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 10:58

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You didn’t buy it for him, you bought it for the dog. And everybody else stuck in line behind you. 

facw > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 11:41

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And yet another reason why I greatly prefer self-checkout (though none of the stores near me have it).

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 12:13

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Man, i hate grocery stores that try to rely on the self checkout like that. Especially if the self checkout doesnt have a belt. If the self checkout machine worked as well as a manned one, I would have no problem using it. But I usually have too much shit to bother. At least the local Ralphs always has 3-4 “real people” lanes open. And there are wayyyy less old people in my town now so the lines are never absurd.

Textured Soy Protein > atfsgeoff 01/16/2019 at 12:19

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D ude obviously had problems, and seemed pretty bad at being a functional member of society in general. I know it’s easy to feel antipathy towards someone being kind of crappy to people while using their government benefits, but I’m a 100% believer in the social safety net. Regardless of whether people are “deserving” or not. People deserve help even if they’re not paragons of upstanding citizenship. 

Textured Soy Protein > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 01/16/2019 at 12:21

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During the busier times of the day they have more checkout lines going, but this was after 10 pm in a store that closes at 11. But in IQ drops about 40 points after the gym before I eat and I didn’t want to fuss with  BEEP BOP BOOP PLU 5421 PLEASE WEIGH YOUR...ORGANIC...BANANAS

Textured Soy Protein > facw 01/16/2019 at 12:22

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The downside of self check is entering all the codes or typing the first 3 letters of the names of produce that lacks bar codes.

Textured Soy Protein > ttyymmnn 01/16/2019 at 12:23

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Well, yeah, for the dog, but nobody was behind me in line. 

Textured Soy Protein > shop-teacher 01/16/2019 at 12:24

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This guy was fully ready to just not get the dog food, and as I later learned after buying it for him, feed his dogs rice instead. Glad I bought it for him even if he had swapped his Tide for All he could’ve afforded it himself. 

shop-teacher > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 12:31

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You did right by his dogs.  I simply denied her more smokes.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 12:35

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I enjoy if I accidentally click “I DO NOT WANT TO BAG THIS ITEM” but then I put it in the “bagging area” because thats where stuff goes. And then it shouts about UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA. Then I go back and forth adding and removing and then it gives up and says HELP IS ON THE WAY. I am still tempted to plug ALL produce as a banana to reap that $0.49 a pound for everything. They need scannable stickers on more produce, going through the menus is a pain.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 13:19

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Awesome story, but automotive content? Throw us all a bone here..

Textured Soy Protein > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom 01/16/2019 at 14:01

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Since when is that a requirement around here?

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 15:08

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Ah still a good deed man, hope it gets returned to you in some form or fashion down the line. I HATE when I’m in a rush and people are arguing with cashiers or tellers or any place in which I am next in line.

Weird aside: my friends mom has a Pomeranian they adopted like 7 years ago from an abusive home (they’d keep poor Samantha locked in the bathroom for 12+ hours a day) and she ONLY eats rice and boiled chicken everyday . They’ve tried dozens of times over the years to give her dog food both wet and dry and she barely touches it. She may take a single bite but then leave it there for the rest of the day. She also will not drink water from her bowl if she does not physically watch you pour it out fresh from the Brita in the fridge. If she’s not there to watch you she will not drink the water at all, she’s truly a diva.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 15:19

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Just a thought.

facw > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 16:08

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I’ve never found that especially burdensome, either I memorized the PLU for the stuff I bought most frequently, or it was on the most common produce screen. Even typing a few letters isn’t hard. Admittedly, I probably should be buying more veggies than I do.

Monkey B > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom 01/16/2019 at 16:27

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he probably drove home in a car afterwards...

Monkey B > shop-teacher 01/16/2019 at 16:28

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should have bought her more...those things shorten life.

Monkey B > Textured Soy Protein 01/16/2019 at 16:29

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Good on ya, poor dogs.

This was a very interesting read considering the content. That’s good story telling.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom 01/18/2019 at 00:35

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Textured Soy Protein 01/18/2019 at 00:36

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What fun would that be?

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Textured Soy Protein 01/18/2019 at 00:39

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I really appreciate you being understanding of this guy’s challenges. It’s not easy to do, but it’s better to do. Wag more, bark less. You probably did more for the Food Lion employees by setting that example than you did for Dude. Well played.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Textured Soy Protein 01/18/2019 at 00:39

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And I approve of all of those potatoes, btw...